I don't want to forget who I was. I hear songs or smell a scent and certain memories and feelings resurface. Sometimes they're of overwhelmingly happy times, but more generally they remind me of the person I was before.
Some days I romanticise the past, but more often I do the opposite. I make out whatever time period I'm thinking about to be the worst of my life, which is usually wrong. (*I say ‘usually’, because logically in a timeline of events there is going to be a lower point somewhere. So, with all my reminiscing, I’m bound to be right eventually.)
When I am in this place, I feel like willing myself into forgetting the past, but in the long run I don't want to forget.
I am who I am because I messed up and embarrassed myself. I am who I am because I let myself be who I was in that moment, and because other times I refused to be her.
I like to think that I’m doing the best with the life I have in front of me with what I know. And though I may not agree with past me, I like to think that I did the same before.
I may have not have made every day a magical place full of learning and happiness, but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters to me, in this moment, is that all of my choices lead me here. Here to this blog, here to this post. And I get to choose where this blog and this post lead me to tomorrow, in a week, and in ten years.
I really don't want to forget who I was, because [maybe, just maybe] understanding and accepting her will help me do the same with the me I am today.
Three-hundred two words later, and I think that I’ve said all I need to for now.
So here's to moving forward while still giving props to our past selves. Here's to forgiving ourselves, but not forgetting; we wouldn't [necessarily] be here without our pasts. Here's to not ruining the Space-Time Continuum.