Life isn't always about the big things or the future. Sometimes it's about the small things that are now.
I'm often thinking about what I don't have. My current dreams and those that have died, what I haven't accomplished, and the things I'm still working on. The people I've lost and those that I can't seem to please. I look at the things that just seem too far ahead, too hard to reach.
I overanalyse everything and forget to look at what's around me. What I have achieved and how far I've come. I forget that my past shortcomings have shaped me to be who I am today. I forget that these shortcomings aren't necessarily shortcomings. I forget that certain things are out of my control.
I forget to be grateful. I forget about the people in my life who care. I forget how much those same people have poured into my life - how much I've poured into my life.
I forget that just a few minutes before these thoughts started racing through my brain I was overwhelmed with an insane sense of thankfulness.
"Each day means a new 24-hours. Each day means anything is possible again. You live in the moment, you die in the moment, you take it all one day at a time." - Marie Lu, Legend
I can't constantly be looking in my past or trying to decipher my future. Not because I'm incapable; I am very much so. But because what kind of life is that? It doesn't leave much time for me to enjoy the present and the blessings that I've been given. Nor does all this worry leave me much energy or sanity.
The present is a beautiful place where pasts can be mended or left behind. It’s a place where futures can be shaped. It’s also a place where dreams can be remembered or realised.
I'm tired. I'm tired of letting years past keep me from moving forward. I'm tired of the possibility of failure keeping me from trying. And most of all I'm tired of worrying and trying to change things that are out of my hands.
I have a long ways to go before these thoughts quit invading my mind to steal my happiness. I know they'll never disappear entirely, but I can hope. And I can learn to trust in God's plan. I can learn how to not let these thoughts control my life.
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” - Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)