Hi! So this week has been amazing for me - productive, enjoyable, AND restful. But there has been ONE thing that has been ruining this perfect week for me - series. I sit there seeing multiple aspects of each problem and I love it. I love being semi-omniscient about what's going on, but it comes at a price; I have to endure watching the protagonistic (not a word...) characters make obvious mistakes. I have to watch them pass up growth opportunities - opportunities to catch villains, fall in love, and become who they want/need to be-for three main reasons. (1) They're scared, (2) prideful, (3) or resistant to change. While viewing their entire world from the outside it's so easy for me to get annoyed. Buuut, "everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." - Carl Gustav Jung. I don't remember when, but I read somewhere or someone told me [something along the lines of], "we often dislike qualities of others, because we see them in ourselves." (If you know the source, tell me in the comments!) As I've been sending strongly worded telepathic signals to these fictional characters, I've had that quote stuck in my head. They made me wonder; how many opportunities [big or small] have I passed up because I'm scared, prideful, and/or a resistor of change? How many am I willing to give up before I decide that these are terrible reasons? I've decided to adopt a new quote into my life motto collection; now, I just need to memorise it. I found this quote through my discovery of Pinterest's awesomeness. I hope to have an original graphic up for it in the near future. "Do the crazy thing, the hard-to-imagine-but-somehow-you-did thing, the brings-you-to-your-knees thing, the no-one-would-ever-do-it-that-way-thing, the safety-net-would-not-even-matter thing, the it-could-kill-you-but-not-trying-is-another-kind-of-death thing, the thing on your heart. Do it and let them gasp right before they call it a thing of wonder." - Ciona Rouse <3 Have a great upcoming week!
Tell me your life quote(s) below in the comments!
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I wonder what makes us so different from each other. The way we look, the things we say? Maybe it's simply the masks we choose to wear and the things we choose to let people hear and see. We all wear masks, but it's the one we choose to wear that makes a difference.” - Kim Yannayon If this is the case, then our masks can seriously hinder us from completely enjoying the people and experiences around us. We are all crazily complex people, and we shouldn't let our surroundings stop us from appreciating that. "It comes down to this: If you want to be seen, heard and understood in the most genuine way possible, be open to the possibility of vulnerability. Allow yourself to be open. I know it’s a scary place, a place very few people dare to venture, but just try it. Try moving the masks away and really looking at a person the next time they engaged in conversation with you.” Each day we have to choose what to do with our masks. There are so many opportunities out there that we miss because of them. We think we're protecting ourselves, embracing who we are today, but it can very easily be the opposite. Without even realising it, we keep ourselves from experiences that will help us grow stronger and become who we want to be. All because we're all too comfortable in our masks or just scared to take them off. I personally love wearing masks. It's so easy for me to romanticise them and believe that this is all there is - that removing them is of no benefit. But I also don't want my dislike of change to stop me from shedding [now] uncomfortable masks, and those that just are plain unhelpful. I hope to make sure that no matter the day, they're not a hindrance. I don't want my life to be full of could be's and should be's, because I can't imagine a life with a specific mask. On the other side of the spectrum I don't want get rid of masks before I'm supposed to...but that's another post. <3
Don't forget to like, share, and comment what you think below! The day I learned about "lies of omission" was a sad sad day for me. That was the day I learned that when I don't tell "the truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth" I'm TECHNICALLY a liar. Emphasis on technically (if the capitalised, bold font wasn't enough). I think that the world is built on lies as much as it is on facts and truth. So according to the complete definitions out in the world, I lie often. Maybe not to you, maybe not obviously. But I do. My lies intertwine to create a perfectly formed mask. A mask so imperfectly perfect that few realise it's there - and even fewer see through it. It's my opinion that a small minority of the people around us live without masks (and I commend them for this). Our masks tell the outside world we're content with mediocrity. That we know where we're going. That we're comfortable with silence surrounding us and the chaos constantly filling our lives. That our struggles can be summarised in one hashtag. Our masks save us from stares and questions. They save us from "lonely" lunches and silent phones. They save us from expectations and responsibilities. They save us from ourselves. They're as separate from our identity as they are entangled within. Most all of us dislike fakes. Fake electronics, fake websites, fake people. All of which seek to profit from us, one way or another. But let us not confuse masks which can be essential to many of our well beings with masks that simply hide "fakes". I've been thinking a lot about masks, how to define them, what makes them bad, why we need them, amongst other things concerning them. So, possibly with random posts in between, I'll be writing about masks.
I hope as I learn and figure out more about them, you will too. So stay tuned for part one coming later today or tomorrow. Check Facebook for updates and don't forget to comment what you think below - it would mean a lot! <3 Beauty can refer to so many different aspects of life - nature, animals, emotions, art, math, interactions, and the list goes on. Here are my brief thoughts on the beauty that can come through experiences (in the form of an assigned visual/art journal piece.)* *Having said all of this, these thoughts are in no way complete or the sole/my sole definition of "real beauty". "Like love, real beauty isn't perfect. It isn't geometric; you can't buy it in a box. "True beauty is on the inside." Cliché, but true. Real beauty comes from experience. Real beauty is when they look in your eyes and see the good, bad, and ugly, but still long to be just like you. Real beauty isn't forgetting, but repurposing our hurts for the better. As much as the world may change and become more "modern", more cut-out, we shouldn't forget this: beauty existed long before skyscrapers and manicured gardens. Beauty was there (and is) in the vastness of the deserts - cold and dry; it's stacked through out the years in rocky terrain. Beauty existed long before Barbie and the word itself.
The world has diluted the word 'beauty' into simply meaning, "without fault." We already have a word for that - 'beauty' isn't it." When you think of 'beauty' what do you think? What do you believe "real/true beauty" is? Comment below! <3 I love you. In my opinion, these words are just as hard to hear as to say. The minute you hear these words all of sudden there are these responsibilities given to you, as unwanted as they may be sometimes. You have to take this person's feelings into consideration, because now you don't have plausible deniability. And these feelings and fears come in hand with any relationship/some relationships. All of sudden you have to start replaying your friendship/relationship in your mind and decide if you feel the same way - if you haven't already. I love you. The minute you say this sentence you've forfeited your ability to deny it any more. You put yourself out there, and you become vulnerable. Either way, you start to think about what it really means to love someone. Does it mean you'll never hurt them again? Does it mean you'll stand by them no matter what? Does it mean they even need to know? Saying 143 or ily isn't the same as saying, "I. Love. You." There are circumstances where 143 IS what you need to say or write or hashtag. But it isn't the same thing, and we shouldn't pretend it is. I shouldn't pretend it is. Life's too short to not say, "I love you." Sure. But this sentence is way too precious to be JUST a hashtag, JUST a greeting card, JUST an obligation. “We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past, but by the love we're not extending in the present.” - Marianne Williamson
When I'm super worried and stressed about everything in my life, it's usually because of ONE thing. One aspect of my life that has me seeing through a negative lens. I wholeheartedly believe in giving it all up to God, but if we don't know what exactly we're giving up, entering back into our vicious cycles seems more likely - at least it is for me. I propose that on days when the simplest task seems near impossible, when everyone else seems to be messing up our day, and when calm is a mere memory, we find that ONE thing. I'm not saying that there won't be days when we will have no idea what's wrong, because there will be. There will be days when the annoyance in our hearts has nothing to do with us. There will be days when God has put a random stranger's struggles on our hearts. There will be days that just feel like bad days.* Having said that, I do think we owe it to ourselves (and the people we're hurting, because of our bad day) to try and figure out [to some degree] what is going on. Whether it's one of the aforementioned things or ONE thing. That one thing could be a test or an interview you didn't realise you were thinking about. It could be the loss of something (a job etc.) or someone dear to you. When we find this one thing we no longer have to pray these vague blanket prayers, but we can focus on this one thing. When we find this one thing we are able to be more intentional about the way we react to everything and everyone around us. When we find this one thing we can nip our stress and our fears in the bud. *My opinion is that no matter what the reason is, you pray.
It can be easier to follow other people’s paths and then switch out a couple details here and there, but sometimes we are called to step out and do things our own way. I am totally for following in a role model’s footsteps; but, I feel like too often we use this idea as an excuse to stop trying to pave our own way.
If we do this, it means walking blindly and it guarantees that there will be pot-holes along the way, but “obstacles are only obstacles until you move them out of the way.” – John Greer (John Nolan – Person of Interest) Sure in this particular case Greer was talking about shooting anyone who gets in the way, but I think the statement is still valid. As I mentioned in my post “Foundations…” our past experiences can end up being stepping stones for the opportunities that lie ahead. Our “failings” and our successes can end up being somebody else’s path to follow. I realise that this post sounds a lot like my others (especially “Frozen Lakes…”), but this lesson has been something that’s been popping up all over my life. And maybe it has in others’ as well, and maybe someone out there needs to hear it as many times as I do. "Put down your mobile device."
"Take out your earphones." "Just be still." I do agree that mobile devices are used way too often [by some people] and [sometimes] in lieu of important human interaction. But I don't think it's always because we're afraid of quiet or stillness. I think that it's the loud, incessant thoughts that we're attempting to block out. We do live in a loud world, but turning it off and tuning in out will not always have the desired effect. A simple off button won't always do the trick. So how do we quiet the voices inside? How do we truly turn it all off and slow down? <3 What do you think? Comment below! I can’t tell you who I am let alone who I’ll be. I can tell you that I worry I won’t grow up to be someone I’m proud of. I wonder how much of this meticulous pruning and careful watch of who I am is really necessary. On one hand at this point (yes I realise I’m only 15) how can I tell what is me vs. what I pretend is me.* On the other hand, perhaps I really am improving myself. “If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.” – 1 John 1:8-10 (NLT) Full of sin, but cleansed. Full of obvious and hidden imperfections, but fearfully and wonderfully made. How can I be both? In this case (as usual) I prefer the NLT version. “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous—how well I know it.” – Psalm 139:14 (NLT) Complex. Fearfully and wonderfully complex. I am both. No denying the fact that I have a lot to work through. No denying the fact that He loves me anyway. I feel like knowing this should make becoming (or remaining) me easier. I need to know “full well” and appreciate this fact before anything can become “easier”. The Creator of the world loves me bruises, wounds, scars and all. Any change I make should be positive and for me or for Him. Not because my Facebook is dull or because my life isn’t Pinterest (or Tumblr….not that I have one…) worthy. “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E.E Cummings I can’t tell you who I am let alone who I’ll be. I can tell you that I will do my best to be someone I’m proud of today.
<3 Don't forget to leave your responses below! *I have no idea if that is proper English or how exactly one would say that in proper English; hopefully you still understood :)
When creating any form art one is always told to turn off their inner critic. Every day we are all creating and building something. Our futures, our relationships, our perceptions. Our lives are books to be written (because I’m feeling cheesy) and masterpieces that are constantly being added to. As our lives are [in a sense] art, our inner critic has absolutely no reason to take a break.
I’m not a nature art (or whatever it happens to be called) person. People take photos of sunsets and African plains, and sure I appreciate the beauty – but at the same time I can’t help but think to myself that all the photos look the same. It’s cool, but it’s all over my Facebook, my Instagram, my life. But when I’m outside sometimes I can’t help but enjoy what’s around me. When I was younger (as in very few years ago…) I hated the night. It was time when I was left to battle with my cruel imagination and hold on to the hope that the news I saw on TV would simply remain there as a series of flickering (not really…) pictures. Now I love night-time. It’s a time when everything’s peaceful and there are no excessive noises or distractions around me. Last night I realised that the moon and the crickets are my heroes. I like how the moon shines. It’s not deterred by the fact that everyone thinks the sun shines brighter. I don’t need to be like the sun. I don’t need for my light to obviously shine and shine for everyone. I want to be there for that person whose only light in the midst of darkness is the moon. The person who has hopes and tells them to the moon, and I want to be them too. The dark doesn’t stop the crickets from singing; it seems to make them louder. I want to be like them. I want to be like the stars that shine even though I can’t see them, even though they’re too far for me to truly see them. I’ve always tried to be the strongest person that I know. And I’ve been pretty good at it; I’ve been pretty good at convincing myself that I’ve been good at it. And I’m not really proud of that. Imagine that rudeness and “honest to a fault” are on one end of the spectrum and improvidence and “happy-go-lucky” are on the other. I’ve always tended to live in the yellow and red of either side of that spectrum rather than the green middle that an idealistic society should covet. I used to think that that made me strong. I figured that if I always expected the worst case scenario, I’d always be prepared. But it’s hard to enjoy any situation when you’re waiting for the tragic end. Other times I used to think that the opposite made me strong. If I was detached enough from the events occurring around me, maybe it meant I was so strong that none of the negative things mattered. That I was strong enough to have my life seem like a dream. But ignoring the fact that we all live in an imperfect world and that we each live complicated, messy lives seems naïve.
“Wise warriors are mightier than strong ones, and those who have knowledge than those who have strength; for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counsellors there is victory.” – Proverbs 24:5 (NLT) I don’t know about you, but when I believe that I’m doing everything right, I tend to think that that means I’m strong and that there’s nothing more to improve. But when I believe my life is falling apart – whether or not it actually is – it’s easier to see what’s “wrong”. Sadly, it doesn’t make listening to or asking for others’ criticism or advice any easier. We’re not alone in this world, and there’s a reason for that. We mustn’t act as if we are. Being strong doesn’t mean having impenetrable walls up neither does it mean being an open book for everyone to read. It means being truly and sincerely vulnerable with those put in your life to help you. It means being willing to not only hear what God other people have to say concerning our lives, but to also listen and to realise the merit, assuming there is any, in what they’re saying. It's almost 2015 and celebrations have started. People are creating flipagrams to commemorate 2014, buying new calendars, and looking into the new year with wide eyes, but not me. At least not me yet. When I'm assigned a long book or a book I don't like and I'm about to reach the end I'm never completely happy. In my mind reaching the end of said book(s) means having to start another. What if the next book I'm assigned is just as long or just as boring? Forget about the fact that I'm FINALLY done! There was a book before this one and there's always going to be another book after. :( I said I wasn't preparing for 2015 and tying everything up in pink bows, and it's true. I have no idea how much space I'm wasting on my phone by keeping random photos and messages from January. And I didn't even start thinking about the fact that all the calendars my family has lying around are totally useless until now. All in all, I'm so unprepared for this year. I see people around me making list after list about the different things they need to DO and need to CHANGE this coming year. Forget about the fact that things were accomplished this past year, because there are so many resolutions that need to be made. So much to be done between January 1st, 2015 and December 31st, 2015. Between now and New Year's Day there are 8 days including today. And I for one don't want to spend them focused on empty pages that are the days of 2015. I've worked so hard this year. And I'm not ready to write a new book and put 2014 on a shelf to collect dust. I get that 2014 isn't going to last forever, but I have 8 days before it's truly over. I can spend these 8 days dreading 2015. I can spend them refusing to create a plan. I can spend them thinking about all that I need to accomplish this coming year. And all of these things are pretty easy for me to do. Ooooooor while I look into the future I can remind myself about how much I put into this year and how much I've gotten out of it. Lists and New Year's resolutions are great, but 2014 did happen. And assuming that great things did happen in 2014, you shouldn't forget! I'm not exactly sure how to edit quotes to fit different contexts, but hopefully this still makes sense.
"What if you chose to focus on all that you did in 2014, and not what you didn't do. And tell yourself, 'It was a great year, because of...' I mean, [count] your blessing, and [be] thankful for them, [and still] [be] hopeful and optimistic for the beginning of [the year]..." - A Great Friend For all I know this announcement could be totally unnecessary, but the Red Ink Facebook page is down, and it will be down for some time. I'll try and add an email newsletter/sign-up form or auto-responder form ASAP, but until then there's always bookmarking and adding me to your RSS Feed. Hopefully this isn't too much of an inconvenience!
As an elementary school student I grew up listening to Wow Hits. This led to one of my favourite songs being “We Live” by Superchick. Besides that song I didn't really listen to any of their music. But in middle school that changed.
I remember being introduced to another one of their songs called “Stand in the Rain”. This song talks about a girl going through a depressing time in her life. It talks about how she’s slowly breaking and nobody knows. When I was told about this song it was more because songs make good conversation than anything else. But since then I’ve listened to this song tens of times; it’s consistently been a source of encouragement. It’s amazing how the things we say that seem insignificant to us can be the things that keep others going. The things you say may encourage someone to keep improving a talent, or improving themselves, or keep them from a huge emotional breakdown. Not everything that comes out of any of our mouths or that we write will be profound. And we may never know about the things we said and wrote that were. All we can do is try and be aware of others and do our best. In my eyes it's the simple thoughts, the simple actions, the simple words, the simple phrases that hold the most weight - that change the world, a world. It’s amazing how dependent we can become on stability. This stability can come in the form of a smart device or the Internet or a friend or an enemy. In some cases the idea that things will always be the same is a discouraging one, but for this post I'm going to go with the assumption that the opposite is felt. I like to dream of a life with the same constants that I have now even though I'm aware that the likelihood of this dream-life coming to pass is incredibly low. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember and the idea has brought an odd sense of comfort throughout the years. As much as I know that these constants are bound to change, every time any of them do, I freak out. It doesn't even have to be a big deal. For example, in the 8th grade my pencil case always had exactly 2 mechanical pencils and 3 ballpoint pens (1 red, 1 blue, 1 black) amongst other things. When I lost a pencil I replaced it with a backup from my locker, but for the rest of the year part of me continued to mourn the loss of that $1.50 pencil. Depending on the degree of change that occurs, I cannot function. This is extreme, but it’s the truth. Dictionary.com defines change as: a transformation or modification; alteration. This definition is simple enough, but for the most change is not just something that happens (at least not the change we’re talking about). It is not simply one event. It is not as simple as changing your shoes or kicking a football. It's much more than that. It's something you experience over time. Change is inevitable. Change is a part of life and it will happen whether we like it or not, whether we are ready or not. Change is not something we can merely escape. It is something that we need to learn to deal with. But that’s not always so easy. I know for a fact that I can’t deal with change by myself. And I'm lucky I don’t have to. I have people around me willing to listen to me freak over the little things and the big things. And more importantly I have Him. That may sound incredibly cheesy or whatever, but it’s true. When I ask for help, He’s there. I'm not saying every time I freak out I hear His voice telling me it’s all going to be alright – because I don’t. Sometimes I just feel a little calmer or a little saner. And this is most definitely not because I’m good or insanely prayerful or 100% confident in my faith, because I know for a fact I’m not. I can truthfully say that without this constant (God) anger, frustration, and blame would be a part of my life every hour of every day. It just takes a small prayer. About change in relation to the future:
"18 But forget all that--it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.19 For I am about to do something new.See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” – Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT) About change in relation to God: “17 Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” – James 1:17 (NLT) Hypothetically I could memorise thousands of books, I could ace all my tests, earn tens of certificates and trophies and I still wouldn't consider myself as smart. I can memorise a bunch of stuff, but does that make me smart? Knowledgeable, sure. Smart, not necessarily. To me, being smart means being able to apply whatever knowledge you've gained.
So just because you don’t know a lot about a lot, doesn't mean you aren't smart. Some of us can only handle (or only want to handle) being smart in a few, or one area(s). But we try to be “smart” anyway. We end up knowing a little about a lot and nothing about anything. I am so for “broadening our horizons”, but if we reach the point where we can’t have a lasting conversation about anything what’s the point? While we are becoming more knowledgeable about the world that we live in, I think we need to remember to find that thing or those things that we are really passionate about, and specialise. So that once in a while you can have a conversation that makes your eyes light up. And maybe, just maybe one day it’ll be your speciality in life. I always tell myself that once I pass a certain goal post I’ll be good enough. Good enough to be able to say I write or I blog or I can bake. But as I watch the world around me or even as I watch completely fictional series I set those goal posts farther and farther way. At this rate I will never reach those goal posts. I will never be “good enough”. “You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world, that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature, but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid.” – Franz Kafka I personally am not the top of my class in anything. This is not to be taken as a cry out for sympathy or anything like that. It’s just a fact. This being said, I don’t want that to ever keep me from doing what I love. If I quit doing everything I love just because I know someone who can do it better, I’d be going nowhere. And that thought scares me a whole lot more than failing to be in the 99th percentile 100% of the time. In different areas of our lives we have different standards. Different communities have different standards. What may have been considered as spectacular in one community may be considered mediocre in another. And as time passes these standards can rise or fall.
It’s not fair for any of us to base our achievements solely on the scales given to us, as they are relative. I'm not saying that we should disregard these standards completely or else we could end up overestimating our abilities. We just shouldn't forget to give ourselves credit. I know a lot of really talented people. The school that I consider myself a part of recognises talent in many areas. And of course not everyone can be recognised for their efforts. There are people in the world who are clearly set apart from their peers in their chosen areas. And by saying we can write or do whatever we often put ourselves up to be compared to these people. I don’t think that this is necessarily a bad thing as it helps us see the work we have ahead of us. At least for me, rather than this being an encouragement, I feel like the world is mocking me. As if the entire universe, including God who I know wants the best for me, is against the idea of me “achieving greatness”. I know that this is an irrational thought and that reeks of narcissism, but it is one that constantly crosses my mind. “As long as we live, our self-absorption and our insecurity will walk together, holding hands and swinging them back and forth like two little girls on their way to a pretend playground they can never find. Human nature dictates that most often we will be as insecure as we are self-absorbed. The best possible way to keep from getting sucked into the superficial narcissistic mentality that money, possessions, and sensuality can satisfy and secure us is to deliberately give ourselves to something much greater...[Christ] showed us that giving, rather than getting, is the means to receiving...to find yourself, your true self, you must lose yourself in something larger.” ― Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity: You've Been A Bad Friend To Us If you work hard to be the best you can be in any given area, but no one recognises that fact, it doesn't change how hard you worked. It’s so easy to base our lives on a scale where we either succeed or fail. It’s so easy to make this scale biased against ourselves. And when we think we've failed, it’s easy to give up. When you think about it from a logical perspective this concept doesn't make much sense. How can we get so upset and discouraged with ourselves when we know we did our best? And how does quitting help this situation? Sometimes I wish that logic would win in my mind, but in times like this, it doesn't. I sit around yelling at God, despite what I know to be true: that I've done my best, and that I am doing my best. Many times the risks I take come from a place where I feel like I have nothing to lose, rather than looking at what I may gain. I go in thinking, “If I fail, I fail.” End of experience. Rather than, “If I fail, I fail. At least now I know how to do _____ better.” “6 This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” - 2 Timothy 1:6-7 (NLT) Sometimes we just have to give our all. Even when our best is not guaranteed and when “failure” seems inevitable. Even when we feel like the world is mocking us, we have to at least try. At least try to achieve greatness and at least try to learn from our disappointments. The following is a conversation between Henrietta “Hetty” Lange (Linda Hunt) and Nell Jones (Renée Felice Smith) from the end of “Leipei” (the most recently released episode of NCIS:LA). In this conversation they're talking about how and if Nell will ever achieve the full status of an undercover agent. Hetty: "But you don't want to get there doing it as it's been done?" Nell: "I don't know if I can." Hetty: "So, you'd risk not attaining the goal you hold most dear, because you feel compelled to follow your own path?" Nell: "I'm not big or overwhelmingly athletic. I'm not an amazing sniper. To be honest with you, Hetty, going in undercover scares me. I'm never going to be like the others, and I know that. I can't do the things that they do in the way that they do them, because I have to do them my way, even if that means never making it." Hetty: "Amazing what happened when the Van Winkles made whiskey their way." If you persistently work hard towards a dream, and you can’t seem to get any closer to achieving it, maybe it’s time to let go. But don’t mistake this situation for another. Some dreams and goals just take a lot longer to achieve.
Memorising your multiplication facts is something that is pretty much required to pass upper-level math. It took me three years longer than my little sister to learn my multiplication facts. If it had been up to me, I would have never memorised them, but it wasn't. This is a fairly basic example, but my point is that not everyone achieves things at the same pace. When it comes to personal dreams, chances are no one is offering you help without you asking for it. Chances are no one's forcing you to persistent and to give your all (much like primary school vs. everything else above it). No one’s forcing you to make your goals harder to reach. Chances are no one's forcing you to take a break or showing you what you've accomplished. Nor is anyone forcing you take the baby steps you need. It’s something you have to do on your own. It’s not fair to decide we don't need to ask for help because the people around us don't seem to need it. It's not fair underestimate or overestimate our own capabilities simply because a friend or a sibling is able to work at that pace. “We have to do things our own way, even if it means never making it.” We live in a world where the things and people around us are ever-changing, ever-evolving. It’s easy to feel obsolete when it seems like every minute something new has been produced, something that will make the world “a better place”. It’s easy to forget yourself when you’re constantly having stereotypes and expectations and the world’s ideals thrown at you. When who you thought you were seems irrelevant and boring in the face of a world where things can go from viral to dull within days. Many of us try to keep up with the world around us in some way, but as time passes and the world speeds up this is becoming increasingly harder.
When we focus so much of our time on watching the huge changes going on around us, we often have little time to focus on the change going on within us. We forget that we are also ever-changing and ever-evolving. My point is that it’s easy to get caught up in the world around us to the point where we become strangers to ourselves. We need to take time to understand who we are and what we want out of life. I'm not saying we need to plan our entire lives; I understand not everyone thinks like that. But that just as we monitor our social media and important (or not so) events, we should pay attention to ourselves. It’s so easy to become experts on celebrities who don’t know we exist, yet live a life in which we’re complete mysteries to ourselves. “The thing about the world is that it doesn't have any extra pieces. It's like pi: it contains everything. You remove a single piece, no circle.” – Harold Finch (Michael Emerson - Person of Interest) None of us are obsolete, so we have no reason to act like it. We may not trigger the latest trends, but what we think and how we feel is important. Maybe not to a million fan girls (or boys) across the globe, but it’s important for your general well-being. So, as odd as it sounds, don't forget yourself. When I'm trying to decide what decision to make, I tend to over think and over complicate things. I do this to the point where both decisions seem equally perfect or equally horrible.
I think that when our brains are trying to make decisions they're like whisks whipping cream. If you over whip cream it separates and becomes unusable and disgusting. If we over think things our brains can become messy places. The things we hoped to achieve no longer can be, because we’re so mixed up. But unlike whipped cream we can go back. Back to the place where there’s more black and white than grey. “LSD stands out for learning to slow down.” - Santosh Kalwar If we slow down just enough, we’ll be able to notice the small details. These details can end up being the ones that tip us over to one side over the other. To get yourself to slow down and/or “unthink” things you have to want to. We can’t always simply follow our hearts or else we may end up in limbo. I often times lose my heart-desire to make a decision, but I still have a conscious-desire. I don’t necessarily want to do something, but I want to want to do something. Doing something as small as slowing down and having a thought can be better than rushing through life checking off things as quickly as possible. “Sometimes our stop-doing list needs to be bigger than our to-do list.” - Patti Digh When I was little I loved the idea of vlogging. For as long as I can remember there has been at least one camera in our house. We currently have boxes and boxes of home videos ranging from the day my little sister was born to beautiful Elementary concerts to horrible band concerts. My brother, sister, and I invented Just Dance. It’s amazing to think of how entertaining we found watching ourselves dance in front of the TV to Crazy Praise and Cedarmont Kids was. But that's not the point. In retrospect, my young love for blogging and vlogging doesn't make any sense. Blogging started around 1999, and YouTube only started in 2005. Sometimes God gives us ideas. Sometimes they seem pretty insignificant and pointless. Other times they seem rock solid, but after a little while they crash and burn or lose their ability to fascinate. When we go through the tapes I see myself “reporting” about everything. I used to stand in front of my dad’s handheld every Sunday and explain exactly what we were doing. As a six year old I really didn't care what the other people at the mall thought. I just wanted to have fun and talk. I would talk about things as pointless as the ice cream we were eating. Then in 2010 Disney’s Good Luck Charlie started broadcasting. As a fifth grader this was my dream. My dad ended up giving me the same handheld that I used to stand in front of every Sunday. But soon that dream died or more appropriately, went into hibernation. If I hadn't stood in front of that camera trying to come up with the perfect lines to describe ice cream, I don’t think I would be writing this blog at this moment. I probably would have reached this point eventually, but I doubt I’d be there right now. Talking about Steers’ Sunday Cones helped me realise that I wanted to have my ideas out there. It helped me see that I wanted to use the gifts I've been given to directly talk to an audience. Of course I wasn't thinking about any of this at the time, but it’s nice to look back and see how my past has shaped who I am and what I am doing today. Ideally, when you start a business or an organisation you should have a clear sense of what your mission is. I think the same goes with a blog. I should know exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it. But honestly I have absolutely no idea what I want to write about. Just like how I used to talk about anything and everything, for now this blog will be about whatever comes to mind. Hopefully someday soon I’ll have a clear mission and maybe one day I'll start a YouTube channel; for now, I'm just going to write. My wish is that whoever may be reading this will do the same and dive into their dreams past and present without obsessing about precision and perfection. <3 "I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." - Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice *Slightly edited 18/09/15
Life isn't always about the big things or the future. Sometimes it's about the small things that are now. I'm often thinking about what I don't have. My current dreams and those that have died, what I haven't accomplished, and the things I'm still working on. The people I've lost and those that I can't seem to please. I look at the things that just seem too far ahead, too hard to reach.
I overanalyse everything and forget to look at what's around me. What I have achieved and how far I've come. I forget that my past shortcomings have shaped me to be who I am today. I forget that these shortcomings aren't necessarily shortcomings. I forget that certain things are out of my control.
I forget to be grateful. I forget about the people in my life who care. I forget how much those same people have poured into my life - how much I've poured into my life. I forget that just a few minutes before these thoughts started racing through my brain I was overwhelmed with an insane sense of thankfulness. "Each day means a new 24-hours. Each day means anything is possible again. You live in the moment, you die in the moment, you take it all one day at a time." - Marie Lu, Legend I can't constantly be looking in my past or trying to decipher my future. Not because I'm incapable; I am very much so. But because what kind of life is that? It doesn't leave much time for me to enjoy the present and the blessings that I've been given. Nor does all this worry leave me much energy or sanity. The present is a beautiful place where pasts can be mended or left behind. It’s a place where futures can be shaped. It’s also a place where dreams can be remembered or realised. I'm tired. I'm tired of letting years past keep me from moving forward. I'm tired of the possibility of failure keeping me from trying. And most of all I'm tired of worrying and trying to change things that are out of my hands. I have a long ways to go before these thoughts quit invading my mind to steal my happiness. I know they'll never disappear entirely, but I can hope. And I can learn to trust in God's plan. I can learn how to not let these thoughts control my life. “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” - Isaiah 41:10 (NLT) As illogical as I realise it is I tend to think of myself as the only one; in a world of billions – the only one. The only one scared of not achieving my goals, of not making it in life. The only one dealing with loss and rejection. The only one with a frozen lake. I often forget that everyone starts somewhere; that everything has a beginning. Yes, some people are naturally gifted in certain areas. But even then it takes some amount of work and practice to reach the place that they are now. Even the great heroes and prophets of the Bible started somewhere. In an episode of NCIS: LA’s season five the frozen lake analogy is discussed. The frozen lake is a concept from Sayoc, which is a Filipino martial art. There are certain things in life we want so badly that we would do virtually anything for them. They sit in the middle of said frozen lake. Despite the risks, we run to them as fast as possible. Only when it’s too late do we realise that the ice is cracking below us, and that we've led to our self-destruction. Everyone has a frozen lake, whether the lake seems big or small. Some people have multiple. To get to the centre we need to “walk slowly, stop to look at everything [and] take [our] time” – as is explained later in the episode. Often times we give ourselves time frames in which we need to cross our frozen lakes. I'm constantly doing this, and I think it’s a great way to motivate ourselves to complete our goals. But we also need to realise that we cannot control everything. Sometimes we just need to do our best and wait to see the outcome. Robert H. Schuller once said that it’s better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly. As a perfectionist, this notion initially seems crazy. But I do believe it to be true. Doing our best doesn't guarantee that we will not slip and fall. Many times our best isn't “enough”. Enough to complete the task at hand perfectly or at all. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have to be enough. Enough for us to feel proud of ourselves and our attempt. Enough to strengthen us and make us feel encouraged. In 1 Corinthians 2:3 Paul says that he came to the Corinthians “in weakness – timid and trembling.” Now, the Pauline epistles are a great encouragement and guide to Christians all around the world and are personally my favourite books of the Bible. Just think, if Paul had stayed in his state of fear, he may not have been able to touch the many lives that he did. Looking back, Simon Peter, Andrew, James and John all started out as fisherman. Yet they grew to become four of the greatest insights into Christianity in its purest form. Looking even further back we see Moses--stutterer turn liberator of the Israelites. And David--a shepherd turn Israelite hero. Because of the courageous steps that these people took, they were able to help make a difference in their worlds. They became more than what they were and what was expected of them. Often times we use our past experiences as crutches, as reasons why we shouldn't want, need, or deserve what’s in the middle of that frozen lake. I propose that we use these experiences as incentives, to show that we can get back up. To show the people around us that there’s more to life than the past. To show ourselves that we can accomplish more than what demographics, world history, our history, and even logic says we can. My lake isn't solid ground nor is it impossible for me to walk across. I think that that’s the point. If it was solid, would the object or desire in the middle mean so much to me? And if it was impossible to reach why would I even bother to dream about it? Yes, the likelihood of me slipping is very high, but questions like these keep me from staying down. They keep me from turning around. As I look ahead I know I'm not the only one scared of not achieving my goals, of not making it in life. The only one dealing with loss and rejection. The only one who wants to cross a frozen lake. And I don’t ever want to forget that. I look at my peers, people older and younger than me walk across their frozen lakes and each step they take gives me a reason to take one too. In the same way whether you and I realise it or not, there’s somebody looking to us to see how to take that first step. Somebody looking to for insight on how to best cross their lake. With these thoughts in mind and the backing of people around us, maybe one day we’ll cross our frozen lakes, desire in hand. And if not, maybe it wasn't what we really needed or even truly wanted. |