What does one write in an essay? On a Google doc? On places where words are immortalised? When I write on paper, little notebooks bound by staples, I have freedom to erase and cross things out, to burn and forget.
When I write here, I do not have access to such a luxury. I may choose to revise and forget, but Google knows. I may choose to delete and permanently delete, but the second I wrote, “What,” 1s and 0s lined up and vowed to never ever forget.
I want to be remembered, but my 18 year-old self can’t even promise my 19 year-old self that what I write today and in the months to come will be something I’m proud of. Immortalised. Book in the library if all goes well. My 8 year-old dreams come true. MAK on the spine of my first bound work. Beautiful. Perfect. But what do I say? God, what do I say?